Be Still…

Sometimes I am a mess. Let me be upfront about that. I have these moments where I melt down into a puddle on the ground, feeling useless and unmoving. Just messy. Life seems too confusing. Confusing because I’m not clear- not clear about what I want or what I need to be happy.
But there are lessons to be learned as a puddle. Be patient. Puddles do not flow into rivers, or into oceans. There’s no rush, no need to hurry to the next big thing. Puddles just are and in these moments, so am I. I’m not building, chasing, reaching, searching. I am, that’s all. I just am.
Puddles don’t need the answers because no one questions a puddle. It’s okay to be outside of all that. Sometimes it is in the stillness that the vision clears and clarity comes.
So today, I am a puddle. I give myself permission to just be, to feel the sun reflecting off me, safe in the knowledge that I won’t always be in this place. Like all water, I will find myself part of a bigger whole again, but today, in this moment, I can just breathe and accept all that is me. No fixing what isn’t broken. No finding what isn’t lost. None of that matters in my puddle state. I take a break. I smell the rain in the air and know a change is coming. And that when it does, I will be ready.

Let’s not go with the flow…
“When you rest in quietness and your image of yourself fades, and your image of the world fades, and your ideas of others fade, what’s left? A brightness, a radiant emptiness that is simply what you are.” –Adyashanti

In keeping with the puddle idea, today’s action plan is short and to the point. Give yourself permission to just be. Breathe and just be.

You Can Do Magic

On an Application to Cinderella’s Charm School for Girls

Dear Cinderella,
Show me how
to sweep the hearth
and wait patiently
for life to come for me.

I have tried, most nights,
to sweep and wait
for the stroke of genius
in forgotten footwear
to work its magic.

Suppressing the urge to run
naked at midnight,
seducing the Prince,
sweeping him off his feet
and out of his shoes.

But your Happily Ever After
starts with sweeping the ashes.
Teach me to resist
the temptation to jump
on this broom and fly away.

Passivity worked for Cinderella, but only because she lived in a fairy tale. In  the fairy tale the magic comes to her, the Prince comes to her. And we carry that fairy tale myth into our real lives, believing that life will come to us, that life will just drop whatever our “it” is into our laps. This belief is bolstered up by those seemingly, out of the blue success stories that we see happening for other people (Those dang, lucky “other people”). What we don’t see is the planning, the hard work, the waiting while preparing for that moment of serendipity. Outside looking in, all we see is the flash, the brilliance of it all coming together.
You have a moment coming in your future. Believe that. And if you do believe that, then start preparing for its arrival. What do you want to show up? Is it more education? A degree? It’s out there. Start preparing now. Is it a better job, a promotion? A healthier way of eating, a healthier weight? A better relationship with a partner, a friend, or family member? All of these things are possible if you are willing to make them possible. Your flash of brilliance is out there. Prepare for it today. You are your own fairy godmother. What gifts do you need to make your dream come true? Bestow them upon yourself.

Let’s Get Lucky!

“God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.”
–J. G. Holland
What one change do you want to make in your life? What is one thing you have always envied in others? Now, what is one small step that you can take this week to move towards it, to make you better prepared for your moment when the planets align and luck pours down from the Universe? Trust that it will happen. You have an invite to the Ball, just waiting for you to RSVP. Today, choose to take one step closer. Glass slippers not required.

Your Missin, should you choose to accept it…

Recently, I have taken up learning to play the cello.  My close friends know that this has been a dream of mine for, well, forever. Seriously, like years and years. Why I haven’t done it until now can be chalked up to timing, for sure, but another reason is that this dream has had to be a double agent to come to fruition.
Just like everyone else on the planet, when a little dream or desire starts to poke its little head up out of the ground, my Fear shows up to squash it. At first, this is what it sounded like in my head.
Me: I want to learn to play the cello.
Fear: What?! You’ve never even touched a cello. You have no musical      experience. You can’t read music. You have no idea where to find a teacher. You have no time or money for lessons. You don’t own a cello and you are too old, can’t learn new things, are going to fail, will look ridiculous…
The thing about Fear is that it gets nastier the longer it’s allowed to speak. So to shut it up sooner and to give my dream time to grow stronger, I pretend I’m on Fear’s team. I fool it into believing we are in cahoots.
Me: I want to learn to play the cello.
Fear: We’ve been through this. You’ve never even touched a cello-
Me: Oh, I know. You’re right.
And then I leave it. Fear thinks it has won, but my dream is like a sleeper cell, waiting to be activated.
Fear: Did I nod off?  What’s happening? Why is there a person with a cello in your house?!
Me: Oh, this? It’s nothing. Just a friend letting me hold the cello…wow, it’s really hard to hold the bow correctly. You’re right, Fear. This is hard. Go back to sleep. I’m with you. Too hard.
Fear: (yawning) Good. You’re being reasonable. Good night.
And like a ninja, I wait until…
Fear: Wait a minute! Why are we on Craiglist? Why are you writing down that phone number? Is that an advertisement for a cello teacher?!
Me: Oh, is it? Don’t worry. I’m just writing it down. I’ll put it in my purse and forget about it. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m feeling a little sleepy. How ’bout you?
Fear: Yeah, I guess I am. A nap sounds good.
And so it goes. My little dream and I gathering intel and stamina and strength until the day when Fear wakes up and it’s too late. I’m right in the middle of it. I’m doing it. And not only am I doing it, but all the reasons for why I can’t or shouldn’t don’t apply anymore. There is nothing left to say. Fear has been lulled into a false sense of security by my Desire, which is more patient and cunning than the best trained CIA operative.
The power to live true to you is sometimes a double agent behind enemy lines. Patience is the key. Don’t give in to Fear. Distract it. Quiet it down for a bit. Go undercover if you must, but don’t forget your true identity and allegiance. Give your dream time to slowly gather what it needs to bring it safely home.

Mission Make It Possible!
“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might win, by fearing to attempt.” –Jane Adams

Fear is a terrorist in your life, skewing the facts to keep you afraid, to hold you hostage, to limit you to a more manageable level. The dream that lives inside you is large, limitless and needs its freedom to survive. What dream have you been nurturing for awhile now? What desire, that no matter how much you try to ignore it, keeps piping up, asking to be heard? Now, what small thing can you do today to move toward that dream without putting Fear on high alert? How much Fear can you handle before you start to shut down? Good, move right up to that place…for now. Then take a moment to gain strength. Recuperate. Wait for the perfect time to strike again…and again…until it’s too late and you are doing it and living true to you.

Plus I’m CPR Certified.

I have been working on this post all week. It has had several different incarnations: self-acceptance, adding creativity to our daily lives, defining ourselves. But each topic didn’t quite feel right for this week. Nothing fit for what needed to be said today. Good topics, but no. Helpful ideas, but no. Absolutely brilliant conclusions, but no. (You’re just gonna have to trust me on that last one.)  With each attempt, the pressure started to build. Well, hello worry that I can’t do this and welcome fear that I will never have anything to write about again and I’ve been expecting you panic that this has all been a gigantic mistake. And then while I’m doing the anxiety spiral in my head, I remembered this truth that always rescues me in these moments:
THIS IS NOT LIFE OR DEATH.
Believe it or not, most of what I do -day in, day out- is not life threatening. No life hangs precariously in the balance while I run errands, make my plans, work, care for my family and all the little things that I do on a daily basis. The Earth continues in its orbit even if what I do isn’t perfect, just so, or adheres to some set of rules that I don’t even know about thereby dooming me to failure.
Nope, life continues…and will continue, no matter how far up in my head space I choose to live.  People of the world will continue to breathe, eat, sleep regardless of whether or not I decide to stress myself out about a blog post. So, let me repeat: This is not life or death.
Phew. What a relief. When we choose to live in worry and stress and perfectionism, what we are really saying is (hands on hips, staring resolutely off into the distance), “I AM SO POWERFUL THAT I MUST DO EVERYTHING JUST SO BECAUSE EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON IT.”
Time to retire the cape, Sweet Pea. It’s been done and really isn’t as versatile an accessory as they made it out to be.
Live true to yourself because it feels good, because it allows you to share with the world more of what is uniquely you. Living true to you is not added pressure. In fact, it is the opposite.  Let go of those things that feel like “shoulds”, those things that feel like some outer definition of who you should be and just be who you are. Live true to you. It’s just so much easier.

Superheroes Need Not Apply:
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” -Lao Tzu
   
In what areas of your life are you struggling with perfectionism? What things in your life are you only doing because you think you “should”?  Stop.  Stop today. Let go of the “should”. Let go of the idea that you have to do anything perfectly. Now take a moment. Do you see any dead bodies? No? What else can you give yourself permission to let go of now that you know no one will die? Let them go and live true to you because, in the best possible way, your life depends on it.