Recently, I have taken up learning to play the cello. My close friends know that this has been a dream of mine for, well, forever. Seriously, like years and years. Why I haven’t done it until now can be chalked up to timing, for sure, but another reason is that this dream has had to be a double agent to come to fruition.
Just like everyone else on the planet, when a little dream or desire starts to poke its little head up out of the ground, my Fear shows up to squash it. At first, this is what it sounded like in my head.
Me: I want to learn to play the cello.
Fear: What?! You’ve never even touched a cello. You have no musical experience. You can’t read music. You have no idea where to find a teacher. You have no time or money for lessons. You don’t own a cello and you are too old, can’t learn new things, are going to fail, will look ridiculous…
The thing about Fear is that it gets nastier the longer it’s allowed to speak. So to shut it up sooner and to give my dream time to grow stronger, I pretend I’m on Fear’s team. I fool it into believing we are in cahoots.
Me: I want to learn to play the cello.
Fear: We’ve been through this. You’ve never even touched a cello-
Me: Oh, I know. You’re right.
And then I leave it. Fear thinks it has won, but my dream is like a sleeper cell, waiting to be activated.
Fear: Did I nod off? What’s happening? Why is there a person with a cello in your house?!
Me: Oh, this? It’s nothing. Just a friend letting me hold the cello…wow, it’s really hard to hold the bow correctly. You’re right, Fear. This is hard. Go back to sleep. I’m with you. Too hard.
Fear: (yawning) Good. You’re being reasonable. Good night.
And like a ninja, I wait until…
Fear: Wait a minute! Why are we on Craiglist? Why are you writing down that phone number? Is that an advertisement for a cello teacher?!
Me: Oh, is it? Don’t worry. I’m just writing it down. I’ll put it in my purse and forget about it. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m feeling a little sleepy. How ’bout you?
Fear: Yeah, I guess I am. A nap sounds good.
And so it goes. My little dream and I gathering intel and stamina and strength until the day when Fear wakes up and it’s too late. I’m right in the middle of it. I’m doing it. And not only am I doing it, but all the reasons for why I can’t or shouldn’t don’t apply anymore. There is nothing left to say. Fear has been lulled into a false sense of security by my Desire, which is more patient and cunning than the best trained CIA operative.
The power to live true to you is sometimes a double agent behind enemy lines. Patience is the key. Don’t give in to Fear. Distract it. Quiet it down for a bit. Go undercover if you must, but don’t forget your true identity and allegiance. Give your dream time to slowly gather what it needs to bring it safely home.
Mission Make It Possible!
“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might win, by fearing to attempt.” –Jane Adams
Fear is a terrorist in your life, skewing the facts to keep you afraid, to hold you hostage, to limit you to a more manageable level. The dream that lives inside you is large, limitless and needs its freedom to survive. What dream have you been nurturing for awhile now? What desire, that no matter how much you try to ignore it, keeps piping up, asking to be heard? Now, what small thing can you do today to move toward that dream without putting Fear on high alert? How much Fear can you handle before you start to shut down? Good, move right up to that place…for now. Then take a moment to gain strength. Recuperate. Wait for the perfect time to strike again…and again…until it’s too late and you are doing it and living true to you.
Live True To You 