Hearing Voices

 

“Most people prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty.”–Virginia Satir
I first encountered this quote over 14 years ago and it has stayed with me all these years, the way that truth does. We all have those times in our lives when no matter how miserable we are in a particular situation, changing it just seems too scary. Better the Devil you know, as they say. And so we plod along, unhappy, unhealthy, disconnected from that voice inside that tells us we need to make a change. You know that voice, don’t you? The one that doesn’t quiet down. The one who doesn’t buy our rationalizations, our excuses or justifications for why we accept this smaller version of ourselves. Because that voice knows something you don’t: The fact that you feel conflict about something in your life means that it is not right for you. Think about that for a second. If this life I am currently living were everything I needed to reach my potential, to feel purpose filled, I would feel content. I feel conflict when situations in my life, when the choices I make, are not in keeping with my definition of myself. It is uncomfortable to not live true to you. But even if we acknowledge that conflict–I should finish that degree, lose weight and become healthier, be more engaged in my work or my relationships, follow my dream–standing on the edge of change can be so paralyzing that we can’t take a step forward. “Yes, it’s not ideal or even good”, we tell ourselves, “but at least I know how to do this. It’s familiar”,we say as we back away from the edge. The life we are living may be miserable, but it is known, quantifiable. That life that is out there beckoning…is a gamble. Maybe it’ll be better, we hope. But then we fear that maybe we’ll fail and lose even this cozy, little hole of misery that we definitely have a love/hate relationship with. Yes, we each hate it when our lives feel miserable. That’s easy enough to understand. Just listen to us complain about it. But the truth is, we also love it. That little piece of misery is a part of our identity. It’s our safety net. It is our opportunity to say, “Of course I’m meant for better, worthy of so much more, but see this over here–my bad childhood, my limited financial resources, the dependency of others, tradition, lack of time or education, my age, whatever–that is what holds me back” and in that place, we don’t have to extend ourselves. We don’t have to try something new. We stand safe in our misery, putting the shackles on our own feet and pocketing the key in a practiced sleight of hand that almost convinces us that it is others–other people, other circumstances–that keep us bound.
           Until that dang voice pipes up again.
You will never be happy until you live your truth, the truth of who you are. No shackles or prison walls of your own making will change that. And because it is true, the voice will always emerge. That voice is your heart, your true heart. It’s your center, your spirit, your soul. Let it speak. It is that fearless place inside of you. Embrace it. It is your deepest authenticity. Accept it. It is all the love you carry inside you. Share it. It is you, at your essence. Reveal it. Let its strength bring you to the edge of change. Listen as it whispers in your ear, “You are enough.” Let it take your hand…and jump.

Courage Required!
“The subconscious is suspicious of change and will try to engage you in whatever it needs to keep you the same, to keep you stuck. Change means a loss of the old self, and no matter how badly you may feel about [a situation] or an image of yourself, it is you, and you have cared for it and put a lot of energy and time everyday in keeping it the same. It takes discipline and courage at some point in the process of healing to allow for real change.”–Laura Day
Change is not for the faint-hearted. Thankfully for us all, our true heart is not weak. It’s a fighter. This week, take a look at what obstacles stand in your way of changing, of moving away from “misery”. Ask yourself, what is its function in my life? What part of my identity is holding on to it, staying where I am? If I give this up, do I give up my identity as the long-suffering martyr? If I make a change, do I give up my excuse that I could have accomplished so much more if only I had been born into different circumstances? Do I have to stop being a victim and become more accountable for the life I’m living? Oh boy. Scary, I know. But take courage. You can do this. You can fight against the comfort of misery and win. Now you are armed with the truth of who you are. You are the true, brave heart. Listen to that voice again. Notice that it is no longer a whisper, but a battlecry.

Revolutionary Love

Psst, can I tell you a secret? You don’t have to earn love. I know, revolutionary, right? But the truth is, today, intrinsically, you have worth just because you are you. You do not need to cure cancer, invent some new life saving device, be beautiful or talented, have tons of money or own a bunch of nice things to be worthy of love. And I’m sure that you agree with me…because I started with the easy stuff. But this is true too– You are worthy of love whether or not you meet the needs of everyone around you. You are worth someone seeing you for who you truly are, regardless of anything else you do. How does that feel? A little harder to believe? Often we abandon ourselves. Make ourselves small. Convince ourselves that we will be loved only if we can keep our needs to a manageable level. And part of that whittling away includes never applying that same standard to others, believing that if we need less, demand less than those we interact with then surely they will love us. This doesn’t just apply to our romantic relationships, but can be true in our friendships and at work as well. Our smallness can become part of our self definition. We tell ourselves, “I’m emotionally self sufficient. I don’t need a lot of attention or affection. I’m low maintenance.” All the while, we are tap dancing as fast as we can at work, twirling flaming batons in our friendships and keeping a ridiculous number of plates spinning, while doing somersaults and reciting the Gettysburg Address in our romantic relationships.
Low maintenance, my Aunt Fanny.
Sweet Pea, you do not have to earn love. Not now. Not ever. You don’t have to engage in a huge production to then accept crumbs of affection in return. You are worth love and loyalty, respect and concern. You have intrinsic value. Hear that. Because you are alive, because you are inhaling and exhaling, you are worthy of love. That’s it. Nothing else required.

You have worth because you carry within you
the spark of the Divine!
“The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”
— Jeremiah 31:3 KJV

Today, let’s stop looking to other flawed human beings for validation of our worth. We see each other with such limited vision that there is no way that it can be an accurate measure. It’s like trying to take the temperature with a yardstick. Ain’t gonna happen.
Tap into the Divine. Whatever that looks like for you, spend some time in devotion to the One who knows your worth, that knows your heart and all the good that resides there. You have value because you are valued by God. And there is nothing small about that.

Welcome to Wonderland

“Who are YOU?” said the caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I–I hardly know, sir, just at present–at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.” –from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Sometimes I need reminders of who I really am. Life can become so crazy, convoluted, chaotic, complicated…and plenty of other words that don’t just start with C, that I can lose touch with myself, engage in self-abandonment and become directionless, depressed, despairing, doubting…and yes, other words that don’t just start with D.
I need a reminder to take a breath, to check in inside; a reminder that all is not lost unless I lose myself because the only way of truly living is living fully in myself. And so I remind myself that…
I am loving and generous with that love. I make no excuses or apologies about that either. I don’t know how to be cautious or miserly and even though this opens me up to being hurt, so be it.
I am crazy loyal and fiercely protective. For good or bad, I am trusting. I always see the good in people and believe that that good will win out in the end.
I know that the willingness to be vulnerable is more powerful than any wall we may encounter in another’s heart.
I am passionate about what I love and sometimes have to have a stern talk with myself to rein it in a bit. I am also vain more times than I care to admit, impatient with life in general and critical with myself.  But then again, it can’t all be good.
I have a spiritual nature that must be nurtured daily because without it, I am nothing.
I know that no matter how hard things get, I am stronger, I will learn the lesson and I will overcome.
I know that a good apology is a seriously powerful magic.
I am good at knowing where I end and others begin, at saying the hard thing in the kindest way, at seeing the heart of others.
I am forgiving, forgiving, forgiving. I need to learn to sometimes stop at two.
Although I am an intelligent, educated woman, I still believe that my long hair makes me look thinner, that to leave the house without at least mascara on is a travesty and that the pint of Chunky Monkey I downed in one sitting does not contain 1200 calories. I don’t care what the nutrition label says. It’s wrong.
I am a woman who prays, who hums when she’s happy and who knows that the greatest adventure in life is not to visit foreign lands or to see new and exciting things, but the greatest adventure is to know, and in turn to be known by, another’s heart.
And lastly, I will always find something to laugh about. Always. I do not care what is happening, I will find the funny…because Life is absurd most of the time, because how we react to that can be nonsensical and silly and always, always I know that if you can laugh about it, you can live through it.

Ahhh,now I am centered. I have found what was lost.  I can move forward now because I am home, safe and sound, inside of me.

When Life Becomes a Trip Through the Looking Glass…
“I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, Sir, because I’m not myself you see“–Alice from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
Today invest in yourself and take a personal inventory. Make a list. Start with “I am…”, move on to, “I believe…” and then, “Here’s what I know…” Spend some time with you. Get reacquainted. Then take that list and see what areas of your life aren’t allowing you to be who you are. What needs to change, you or the situation? Sometimes we just need to bring more of ourselves to the situation, to our work or our relationships. Sometimes those things cannot support us being ourselves and we need to walk away. But we will only know which is which when we are clear in who we are. Today, gain clarity. Come back to you.

Here’s the Gravity of the Situation…

Change is motion. It’s movement towards a different way of seeing, believing, and being. It is also a process. No matter how much we would like to speed things up, skip a few steps or somehow just land at the end, there are no short cuts. There is, however, a natural progression to change. It has a formula and rules to follow.  This is good news because this means that we can all transform areas of our lives that do not suit us, So let’s join Newton under the apple tree and discuss the Laws of Motion or Change.

First Law of Change: A body has a tendency to stay at rest or in its uniform motion unless acted upon by an outside force.
Ah yes, good ole inertia. The first step in making any change is gaining the desire or intention to do so. For most of us, we can go on living a certain way for so long…until the day we can’t. We can’t predict when that day will come. We don’t know when something will open our eyes to a new way of living, to possibilities we didn’t know before. Breaking free from the inertia of our old way of seeing things happens in an instant. Let me explain. We can know something needs to change for a very long time and never feel motivated to do anything other than bemoan the fact that yes, I should lose some weight or yes, I should finish that degree. We can live like that for years until that moment when we just can’t. Some force has acted upon us and it is no longer comfortable to stay at rest or maintain the same old line. We overcome inertia and start to move.
Second Law of Change: Acceleration is parallel and proportional to the force applied or the more you act, the more you accelerate.
Every step, no matter how small helps you gain momentum. Get clear about
the direction you are heading. Make sure it’s right for you, not what others think is right or what you think you “should” be doing. Face the direction that moves you toward your definition of who you are, who you truly are. Then when you have your bearings…act. Consistent action, regardless of size, will accumulate and increase until you become an unstoppable force and your continuing on the path to change becomes easier, which leads us to…
Third Law of Change: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction or If A affects B, then B also affects A.
There is a strange phenomenon that happens when we make positive change in one area of our life, usually it spills over into other areas. Maybe we decided to live healthier by exercising more and eating better.  Engaging in this self care often translates into our taking better care of ourselves at work and in our personal relationships, which in turn, reinforces our decision to to take better care of our health and may result in our viewing our self worth differently, causing us to change what we think we are capable of accomplishing in our future. One small change in one area may redefine who we are. Our view broadens and we no longer remain small, but move into this new self that feels like it’s been waiting all along. The struggle lessens. Because we change A, B now seems possible and because B is now possible, A becomes just part of the natural course of things, a natural part of the process.

And here we are, back at the beginning of the natural process of change. Begin today to overcome inertia, to take a step, no matter how small towards your future and to trust that as you do, you will gain the momentum necessary to become the you the world needs you to be.

Action = Alchemy
“Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.” –Herbert A. Otto

Newton spent a large portion of his life in the pursuit of the precursor of chemistry, Alchemy. Alchemy was the belief that by combining the common materials of earth, water, air and fire, any element could be created with the main aim being to turn things like lead and other metals into gold. I think he was onto something. Do not doubt that out of the elements of your life you will be able to create gold. No matter your circumstances, your limitations, your particular struggles, you carry within you a unique formula for brilliance. So today, find your own personal formula, apply the elements special to you and begin the process of transformation.