I first encountered this quote over 14 years ago and it has stayed with me all these years, the way that truth does. We all have those times in our lives when no matter how miserable we are in a particular situation, changing it just seems too scary. Better the Devil you know, as they say. And so we plod along, unhappy, unhealthy, disconnected from that voice inside that tells us we need to make a change. You know that voice, don’t you? The one that doesn’t quiet down. The one who doesn’t buy our rationalizations, our excuses or justifications for why we accept this smaller version of ourselves. Because that voice knows something you don’t: The fact that you feel conflict about something in your life means that it is not right for you. Think about that for a second. If this life I am currently living were everything I needed to reach my potential, to feel purpose filled, I would feel content. I feel conflict when situations in my life, when the choices I make, are not in keeping with my definition of myself. It is uncomfortable to not live true to you. But even if we acknowledge that conflict–I should finish that degree, lose weight and become healthier, be more engaged in my work or my relationships, follow my dream–standing on the edge of change can be so paralyzing that we can’t take a step forward. “Yes, it’s not ideal or even good”, we tell ourselves, “but at least I know how to do this. It’s familiar”,we say as we back away from the edge. The life we are living may be miserable, but it is known, quantifiable. That life that is out there beckoning…is a gamble. Maybe it’ll be better, we hope. But then we fear that maybe we’ll fail and lose even this cozy, little hole of misery that we definitely have a love/hate relationship with. Yes, we each hate it when our lives feel miserable. That’s easy enough to understand. Just listen to us complain about it. But the truth is, we also love it. That little piece of misery is a part of our identity. It’s our safety net. It is our opportunity to say, “Of course I’m meant for better, worthy of so much more, but see this over here–my bad childhood, my limited financial resources, the dependency of others, tradition, lack of time or education, my age, whatever–that is what holds me back” and in that place, we don’t have to extend ourselves. We don’t have to try something new. We stand safe in our misery, putting the shackles on our own feet and pocketing the key in a practiced sleight of hand that almost convinces us that it is others–other people, other circumstances–that keep us bound.
Until that dang voice pipes up again.
You will never be happy until you live your truth, the truth of who you are. No shackles or prison walls of your own making will change that. And because it is true, the voice will always emerge. That voice is your heart, your true heart. It’s your center, your spirit, your soul. Let it speak. It is that fearless place inside of you. Embrace it. It is your deepest authenticity. Accept it. It is all the love you carry inside you. Share it. It is you, at your essence. Reveal it. Let its strength bring you to the edge of change. Listen as it whispers in your ear, “You are enough.” Let it take your hand…and jump.
Courage Required!
“The subconscious is suspicious of change and will try to engage you in whatever it needs to keep you the same, to keep you stuck. Change means a loss of the old self, and no matter how badly you may feel about [a situation] or an image of yourself, it is you, and you have cared for it and put a lot of energy and time everyday in keeping it the same. It takes discipline and courage at some point in the process of healing to allow for real change.”–Laura Day
Change is not for the faint-hearted. Thankfully for us all, our true heart is not weak. It’s a fighter. This week, take a look at what obstacles stand in your way of changing, of moving away from “misery”. Ask yourself, what is its function in my life? What part of my identity is holding on to it, staying where I am? If I give this up, do I give up my identity as the long-suffering martyr? If I make a change, do I give up my excuse that I could have accomplished so much more if only I had been born into different circumstances? Do I have to stop being a victim and become more accountable for the life I’m living? Oh boy. Scary, I know. But take courage. You can do this. You can fight against the comfort of misery and win. Now you are armed with the truth of who you are. You are the true, brave heart. Listen to that voice again. Notice that it is no longer a whisper, but a battlecry.
Live True To You 