Wild Life

 

In times of trial, it is important to sink back into yourself, your true self. What has been ignored? It’s not lost. Those parts of you that have gone fallow are still there, waiting. Never lost. Pick them up again. Shine a light in those dark corners. Rifle through the boxes packed with the pieces of yourself you thought you long outgrew. Shake them out and try them on. What still fits? What strength or peace can be found tucked away in an old pocket? This is the gift for you today.
Sink back into your truth, like an old warm coat. Wrapped up in self love, see things clearly. Restore the places where a corner was broken off, first here, then there, to allow yourself to fit into the smaller version that others find more acceptable. Or more manageable.
Return to that wild self. Feel that warm coat of yourself envelope you like new fur. Howl at the moon. Run with your pack of one. Because you are enough. Never lost. Waiting patiently, with its knowing eyes. Feel the strength that is always there, primitive and limitless. Stretch yourself. Take up more space. Slip away from domestication, just for a spell. Return when you can feel the freedom in your blood and know that you carry it within you, always.
Because nothing is ever lost. Reclaim, dear heart, all that is. See it. Name it. Accept it and redeem it. It is you. Unravel the ties of regret, of remorse. Slip free of the bindings of the past. Pad forward on soft paws. Feel your sure-footedness in this state. Breathe in, wild one, and then slowly exhale. Nothing is ever lost.
Trials and troubles, difficulties and drama, it all ebbs and flows. This too shall pass, as the saying goes, dear heart. But you are never lost. All that is intrinsically you, sure you, strong you, is waiting for you in the primeval forest of your true self. Return to you today.

This Is No Call To Arms.
“The problem is that when things go ‘badly’, we tend to do battle! Hoping to put right what’s perceived as having gone wrong, we work to rebuild our former sense of self by struggling to restore what life has washed away.”–Guy Finlay

There is no need to engage in battle. All that trying and striving to keep up that false sense of self, the facade, the public identity is exhausting. It’s not authentic. That’s the reason it’s a battle. Living true to you is a release. Identify what is important to you. Ask yourself, what is it that you truly value. Picture yourself, standing at the end of your life, what do you want to see there? What do you need to feel happy and fulfilled? Don’t get “trapped” by the small, the fleeting, the desire for approval. Don’t give your sense of self away to others. You are enough. Today. Tomorrow. And each day to come. Stop doing battle.

My Christmas Wish

One Child

One woman with her husband
inside her a child
in Bethlehem arrived, where
inns were full, so
in a stable he made a bed for
One woman.

One stable, lowly and old
where fresh hay was laid
where animals ate
where people now slept
where a manger awaited a star in
One stable.

One star shone bright and new
and wise men followed
and shepherds saw angels
and the Heavens rejoiced
as the child was born under
One star.

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family! (And if you are reading my blog, you are in at least one of these categories.) My prayer for you is that you find the time to spend the holidays with those you love the most and feel abundant, connected and BLESSED!
  Happy Holidays!

Where’d Ya Go?

It is what it is. Or is it? The truth of the matter is we rarely stay in the present moment. We get in our time machines and travel to the past. Or we become fortune tellers and start predicting the future. Both places contain a whole lot of “always” and “never”. And neither place changes. If we go to the past, we bring all the feelings and reactions from old experiences to play here in the present. Now learning from the past and applying those lessons in our daily life is a healthy way to live. Being “triggered” into the past where we experience it as if it were happening in this moment is not so healthy. When our boss criticizes us, we can suddenly be six years old again and feel the shame of being told we are bad. This can make it difficult to have an adult response to our boss’ complaint. It can also set off the shame cycle in our head because a six year old believes what she is told so if she hears that she is bad, then it must be true.  As an adult, we know we can reject the labels or definitions of others. Just because they say it, doesn’t mean we have to believe it. But it’s harder to reject when it resonates with what our six year old self believes.
It also doesn’t help to project into the future.  In that future, people don’t change, not even ourselves. It’s a hopeless place really. Now I know the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior-far be it from me to argue with Dr. Phil- but if we only focus on those two places, we miss what’s happening now. Maybe in this moment something has changed that will completely alter the future. How will I know if I’m not paying attention to the present?
And really, all we have is now. Both the past and the future are constructs. I’ll try not to get all psychobabble-y on you, but the truth is the past as you remember it is not as it happened. Memory has altered details. Who we are has assigned it meaning and a narrative. This is what the mind does to make sense of our life, to make sense of the world of personal interaction and human connectedness. Two people can experience the same event and have completely different reactions to it. Which is the truth? They both are. I’m going to stop here before I dribble off into some esoteric discussion of truth versus reality, but suffice it to say that we each have a version of our past that is our truth even if it doesn’t match how others experienced the same events. It is through this filter that we predict future events. So although it is our truth, if our past isn’t objective, how can we accurately predict the future? The answer is we can’t . Time to retire from the psychic hotline, Sweet Pea.
Maybe the best predictor of future behavior is what’s happening right now. Stay present. Leave Mr. Peabody and his time machine behind. (Did I just age myself there?) Learn the lessons from the past, but don’t stay there. Make plans for the future, but don’t live there either. Life is happening right now, today, in this present moment. Be here and live it.

Stop Time Traveling!
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”–Henry David Thoreau

I have a simple thing I do when I need to remember to stay in the present moment. It brings me back to today, reminds me that nothing else exists or matters but this moment and that I am here and safe and fine. Amazing, right? Are ready for this revolutionary tool? I call it…
                         Butt in the chair.
I know. Mind blown. Take a moment to recover from its profound wisdom and let me explain how it works.
It started in grad school when I was learning to be a brand new, little therapist. Now when people sit across from little therapist you and they are emotional, in pain, wanting something to ease their suffering, it is easy for little therapist you to become “activated”. Maybe little therapist you had something similar happen to you; maybe this sets off your need to “heal the world one person at a time” and you start thinking about all the things you will do to “fix” the client. (Can you see both the past and the future there?) And now little therapist you isn’t even in the room anymore. So my reminder when this happens is
                 “Butt in the chair, Jaye.”
I take a second and feel my butt in the chair, my feet on the floor, my hands folded in my lap. I come back to present and sit across from my client and do the only thing I need to do–listen.
Sitting or not, this sentence translates into all areas of my life. It is my reminder that currently I am safe, here in this moment. Goodbye worry and fear. It is the reminder that right now, all is well. Hello contentment and peace. Abracadabra may be other people’s idea of magical words, but for me, its got nothin’ on “butt in the chair”.

The Way to the Well

Woman’s Song
I dance with Nefertiti
under a soft, blue sky,
soft as Egyptian cotton.
I dance to untie Orion’s belt
and flood the Nile.
Striding over continents,
throwing stars and seeds,
there is order in my kiss
and deep chaos in my smile.
Calling the ancient fire
and the knowing from the sand,
I can set things aright,
or tear out your throat. Jaguar,
wearing a night sky coat,
whispering fate, as I hold you
gently in my teeth.
Like an angel, I lay down
to stir the night air with my wings.
The moon shivers out dreams
of this woman whose step can crack
the earth and whose touch
can melt the hive into puddles of honey.
And yet, I wear white
and keep the secrets of the bee
as I whirl along the fertile mile,
until at last, I sleep, within Life’s mystery,
safe in the palm of my hand.

Can you feel the power? I wrote this poem so many years ago and yet, each time I re-visit it, it reminds me of who I am inside, of what lays beneath all my labels. In a way it transforms me back into me. I read it when I need a reminder. In an earlier post, I wrote about knowing who you are and to not lose sight of it, but to bring more of it into every aspect of your life. Let’s take the next step: How does it feel to be you? How do you feel deep inside when you close off the clatter, when you shush the lists and responsibilities clamoring for your attention and just sit awhile? Stay there in that moment until you can feel your peace rising. Quiet everything else and invite it in. Now take it deeper. In that peace, in that centered and balanced moment, feel your power. There is a place of strength, like a well, inside of each of us. It lays still, waiting for us to lower our vessel down to retrieve it. But so often we look to outward things to cling to for strength. We look to others to prop us up. We look to outward achievements to bolster us. We get busy. We start doing, doing, doing, head down and straight on through, come Hell or high water. Why do we always seem to choose the hard way?
Breathe for a moment. Find your well of strength. Breathe until you can feel your power. You’ll know when you’re there. You will feel abundant, connected to everything and everyone. You will know your part and what needs to be done next. And it might not be the easy thing, but it will be the true and necessary thing and that will be enough. In that moment, learn what the world will not teach us, that power is gentle. True strength doesn’t require a show. It’s not shock and awe. It’s knowing you can move the mountain, but only if it’s necessary. There is no need for a fuss when a fuss is not required.
Power knows kindness is always required. True strength knows that nothing anyone else can do can diminish it because it exists inside you in a place no one else can access, but you. Spend some time there each day. Remember who you are. Let the waters of the well remind you:
             You are powerful.

Visit Your Inner Power Source.
“Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there.” –Marcus Antoninus

Today, tap into your well of strength. Become comfortable feeling powerful. Take any problem you are experiencing and sit with it. Dip it in your well. What is the gentle way of resolving this issue? Ask yourself: What have I been holding onto that really is more about control or flexing my muscles than about being strong? And then release it. Drop it and let it sink to the bottom of the well. Imagine it dissolving and becoming useful to you in its new form. Gain strength by letting go.

Feelin’ Free

Perfection is a myth. Life won’t be perfect. Others won’t be perfect. You won’t be perfect. Phew. Let it all go. Take that burden and, with a little wave,  release it out into the Universe.
Instead, aim for being a little better than you were the day before. Celebrate the small triumph, the small changes because that’s where the action is. Congratulate yourself for the “doing of it”, not just the end result. Don’t save the party for the “end” of the journey. Pat yourself on the back along the way.
It’s a shift in mindset. We live in a very goal-oriented society. Earning and having is rewarded. Now don’t get me wrong, goals are good. We should have things we are working towards. But we focus so much on the end, on the accomplishment that we miss the small victories in the process. We’re comfortable celebrating the success, and it should be celebrated, so maybe we need to redefine success. Maybe success is becoming more aware of our old patterns and recognizing when they’re not working for us. Maybe success is the shift in thinking that allows us to say, “I can do this.” Maybe success is feeling the fear, but still being willing to lean into the discomfort and move forward. And maybe success is the forgiveness we extend ourselves for our old ways of thinking, for engaging in those old behaviors that send us into the old shame spiral.
Yes, forgiveness is success.
What would happen if we took a day to practice a little self-compassion and forgive ourselves? I’m declaring today Forgiveness Freedom Day. Feel free to look at your weaknesses, your shortcomings and offer them each forgiveness…for free. Now when I say “for free” what I mean is make it unconditional, no bargaining, no forgiveness only as long as you’re perfect in that area from here on out. There’s that word again. Kick it to the curb. Bye, bye perfect! Offer forgiveness to those weak parts without condition. “Hello vanity, ” we might say, “I see you there and I forgive you. Hey, we’re better than we used to be. Let’s celebrate that.” Or “Hello pettiness”…or “holding a grudge”…”Hello jealousy. I see you there, but I’m working on it and I’m a little better than I was before. Heck, now I can recognize you when you show up! That’s a step in the right direction! Let’s party!”
Freedom to Forgive is freedom from the myth of perfection. Not only is perfection a myth, but it’s a prison. So today, forgive yourself. Accept yourself exactly where you are today, knowing each day you will be a little better. Let the perfection prison doors swing wide open and shout,
“Free at last, Free at last! Goodbye perfection! I’m free at last!

There’s a Party Going On Right Here!
“Ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.” –from Anthem by Leonard Cohen

Forgiveness Freedom day requires us to celebrate “the crack in everything”. All the things you have experienced, everything, even the difficult things–sometimes, especially the difficult things–that have happened to you have helped to create the wonderful and unique person that you are. Celebrate that! The cracks that are a part of you are as individual as a fingerprint. That makes them special. Celebrate the cracks, the good and the bad. Let the light in and…Shine!!