Lean into it

We are wired for pleasure. If it feels good, do it. We seek things, people, experiences that feel good, taste good, make us happy.
But what happens when things don’t feel good, when things are uncomfortable or downright painful? The natural instinct is to immediately find a way to change how we’re feeling. This is a good instinct to have, especially as a means of protecting our bodies. If my hand is burning, I might wanna take it out of the fire. No debate there. But in other areas, such as in our emotional life, things may not be that cut and dry. Feelings rarely are.
What do we do if we’re feeling lonely or stressed or afraid? Our natural instinct will be to change it, to not feel it. Now it isn’t always easy to identify how to really change a feeling, but we will try anyway, often by grabbing at whatever is around us. We look to things or other people to rescue us from how we are feeling. We might try food or sex or shopping or mindless TV, anything we know will distract us, deflect us, help us ignore the unpleasantness.
                   But what if we didn’t?
What would happen if we just sat with it for a minute? When we are brave enough to lean into the discomfort, we learn something about ourselves. What shows up in that moment when you sit with your loneliness, with your fear or insecurity? Give it a second. Take a breath. Your courage is there. How will we ever know how strong we are if we lay down every time the wind blows?
If you can stay with the negative feeling for a bit, what you will notice is that it doesn’t stay. Feelings come and go. They are transitory, so don’t create a feedback loop every time a negative feeling shows up. What do I mean? I mean, every time you feel overwhelmed, don’t start reaching for the chocolate chip cookies for help. (I have no idea who may need this particular advice. I’m just throwing it out there, completely at random.)
Lean into the discomfort and know that you are enough. Let it show up. Your courage and strength are there. Come to your own rescue.

Step Away From the Cookie Jar!

“Good feelings gone.”–Marlin from Finding Nemo

There it is. Ugh. Something doesn’t feel good.
Your first step is to identify what you are feeling. This may sound simple, but sometimes the real source of our distress may be hiding under something else. Sit with it a bit. Name it.
The second step is to ask why. Why am I feeling this way? Is it a normal response to whatever is happening in my life? Or is this feeling a reaction to something else, maybe something that happened long ago? Ask why.
Third step, acknowledge. Acknowledge it and own it. Yep, I’m feeling stressed, disappointed, sad…and its okay. No value judgements here. During our lifetimes, we will experience the full range of emotions. Thinking we can avoid the negative ones is a bit child-like. Feeling bad does not make us bad. It makes us human.
Next, ask, what can I learn about myself here? How much can I tolerate, sit with? What needs to change at the true source of the problem, not just a quick, temporary fix in the moment?
And finally, remind yourself that it won’t last forever. Feelings never do, both the good and the bad. Be brave enough to look at the bad and learn. We may not like them, but they’re good teachers.