To live true to who we are, we must know who we are, even those not-so-pretty parts. I may even add, especially those not-so-pretty parts because those are the parts if left denied, ignored and rejected that can trip us up. Any part of ourselves that we deny will come out in ways that are unexpected and usually unwanted. Those are the moments when later, upon further review, we either are filled with regret or we spend time becoming entrenched in our reaction to justify it. Let the shame spiral begin!
But there is no need for the shame. We all have parts of ourselves that we are not listing on a resume or a dating profile. All of us. Nothing to be ashamed of, but we do need to acknowledge that it is a part of who we are too. This part of us we hate. This place where we engage in self loathing. This piece of you that spends all of its time with the negative voice, the critic in our head. All that rejecting and denying and ignoring isn’t gonna change a thing. The truth is, you can’t hate it into non-existence. Hate has never changed a darn thing for the better, only love can do that.
So love the ugly parts, your weakest parts. Find the wounded place they hide inside of you and love them. Understand why they’re there. If you can understand those parts of you, you can manage them better. Love can change those parts, transform them from ugly monsters lurking inside to the small, scared part of you that they really are. Seen through love’s eyes, it may even appear as a small child asking for attention or love or approval in ways that aren’t getting it what it wants. Poor little thing. Nothing to be hated or further abused. It just needs to be seen and loved anyway.
And that’s the key. Love it anyway. Yes, it is not your best side. Love it anyway. Yes, you’d prefer it if it went away and never came back. Love it anyway. And yes, sometimes it throws a temper tantrum in public. Love it anyway. If you do, if you name it, understand it and love it anyway, the temper tantrums will lessen. You will notice that it doesn’t need to rear its ugly head because it isn’t ugly anymore. It’s loved…and that changes everything.
Shadow Dancing
“…self contempt never inspires lasting change.” –Jane Hirschman and Carol Munter
This week’s task is to spend a little time with those parts of yourself that you tend to hide in the shadow. Take out your introspective flashlight to help you see what’s lurking in the dark. When you find it, name it. Really spend time trying to understand that part of you. Why is it there? What does it stem from? What is it trying to get or accomplish? Look at the intention, the motivation behind it. What is really there? And then accept it. Completely and totally accept it. Integrate it into the whole of you. Remember, it is just a piece, a part of you. Accept it and bring it into the bigger picture. Shine a light in your shadow and love what you find there.
Live True To You 