My “should” list can include:
I should exercise every day, eat less (like Gwenyth-Paltrow-less), save up for plastic surgery because if I don’t, I’ll get fat, age badly, be unattractive (Insert feeling of being unloveable here).
I should get more done at work, at home, as a mother (and I might add with my blog, with my art) because if not, I’m a failure (Insert feeling of being unloveable here too).
I should always be strong, pulled together, have the answer…and it had better be funny, glib and insightful because if not, I am a complete mess…and a fraud (Insert…well, you know).
The difficulty is when life becomes so chaotic and busy, we don’t have time to really examine the thoughts that have taken up residence in our heads. We certainly don’t have time to talk back to them. And so they stay, unchecked, all noisy and insistent, with their constant babble until they start to feel very real and if we don’t pull back from them, identify them for what they truly are, they can become where we live. Know this, my darling, nobody is happy living in “Should” Town. There is no “enough” in Should Town. There is no self acceptance, tolerance, love, forgiveness…nothing that is real. You cannot live true to you in Should Town.
It is time to send out a change of address card, Sweet Pea.
So this week, let’s pack up and haul off the ridiculous notion that our value is only tied to some external measure of our worth, especially some artificial standard of beauty. ( I struggle with this…and struggle with this. Trust me, Sweet Pea, there is nothing worse than an aging cheerleader/beauty queen…unless you are a plastic surgeon and then cha ching! Way to monetize insecurity! But I digress…). This week, let’s leave at the curb the lie that we have to earn love or regard. And let’s definitely throw out the insidious thought that we have to perform or change to be liked. Straight in the trash, don’t even look at the recycling bin. Let’s get this out of our internal environment. Besides, we’re moving to a much more emotionally eco-friendly place. So load up all that is good and take it with you. No backward glances in the rearview mirror at all the “shoulds”, at all the lies. You, my friend, are moving on up…and living true to you.
I Like To Move It, Move It!
“Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?’ -Fanny Brice
The “Shoulds” are tricky because they sneak in when we aren’t paying attention. In fact, they wait for us to be overly-engaged before starting in. They need the distraction because they are, at best, half-truths and at worst, flat out lies. They operate in the same way children do when they see that their parent is on the phone, hoping you will agree with whatever so you can finish your conversation. Sneaky little buggers…the “shoulds”, I mean…not our little angels that always seem to ask for some kind of dessert or to play video games every time the phone rings.
To combat the “shoulds”, first know what your “shoulds” sound like. We each have personal triggers. Know them. Know that they’re lies. That way when you catch the echo of a “should”, it can be more easily identified and addressed.
Next, take a moment to listen. What has been babbling away? What is the recurring theme? And then ask, why? What part of me is signing off on this? What part believes it? No judgement here. There will always be some part of us that believes it. That part deserves love too, remember? Just look for the why behind it.
Finally, recognize this as a call to slow down, to find some balance. Steal a moment to just be. Take a major mental vacation from all the chatter and busyness. Engage in self-care and acceptance because you deserve it. The “shoulds” are exhausting! Give yourself permission to move out of “Should” Town and don’t leave a forwarding address.
Live True To You 