Renewed

Occasionally, life becomes so busy I have to steal time for myself. I hope that you do the same. It will look different for each of us. I hole up with paper and pen and scribble and cross out and start over and rewrite and allow myself to forget the world outside exists. Now, I can’t do this too frequently because laundry needs to be done, children need to be fed (well, and I do too) and paperwork yells from its folder in my work bag, but sometimes I need a moment to just breathe and think and do what makes me happy. Today was one of those days. So for today’s blog post, I’m sharing the early scribblings of a poem that, even though it is about my daughter,  I hope most of you can relate to and it is also my wish that we will each take time for ourselves so there is more to share with others.

For My Daughter

My daughter unfolds
outward and away from me,
a cherished letter
and there in the crease,
pressed between the years
is her four year old body straining
to run away
from my calling after her
to behave.
Her reply was always the same:
I am being have.
Our words never quite reaching
an agreement.

And even as we are here, mother and child,
now two women, struggling
to find the place where our words touch,
I hope you have saved
my I love you’s
for a day when translating
doesn’t seem so hard.

I pray there will be a day
when you will understand
each fumbling step I took
toward you
as something you can keep
in the treasure chest
of your heart.

I want to write I love you
on the delicate walls of your mouth
so you can taste it
on every breath,
but there are days, darling one,
when it seems to require
a hammer and chisel.

Hear the song of my blood
that sings through your body.
Blood and heart and air,
given to you without a word
once, when I was your home.
That we could go back
to that shared language
as you swam inside me
and the words,
mommy is here,
was just a way of being.

Take these words, dear child.
Press them to your ear
and hear the echo of the sea
inside me, where you floated
warm and cared for.
Let just the sound of my voice
like an interpreter
change the worry and fear
you see in my eyes
into the unconditional love
you need.

In the dictionary of your heart,
what letter do I look
under for love, my daughter?
Tell me
and I will meet you there.