Calling Out Karma

Today, I’m calling out Karma. Why? Because I want to focus on forgiveness.
See, forgiveness can be tricky. First of all, it’s not a one-time gig. Let’s say someone betrays me and I’m able to wade through the morass of feelings and consequences that follow and end up in a place where I can say, “I have to let this go. I forgive that person.” Yay me! But guess what, I’ll probably have to have that same conversation with myself the next day…or the next week…heck, I may even have to have that same conversation an hour later! My point is that forgiveness is not a sudden arrival; it’s a process. It’s layered. Today I forgive and release my anger and all my fantasies of running that person over with my car because I’m all benevolent like that, but next week, when sadness pops up for me around the betrayal, I may be confused because I already forgave that person. “What’s going on? I forgave. I let it go. I let it go so much, I am Elsa, building my ice castle on a mountain far, far away from everyone that might ever hurt me…oh. How did that forgiveness thing go again?” And so we try again. And again. Until it‘s easier and the Frozen days are fewer and farther between, which brings us to the second thing about forgiveness: the role of Karma, the quicksand of the forgiveness process.
I’m sure the pure spiritual principle of Karma is much more enlightening, but I’m calling out our pop culture use of it. Here’s why. What goes around, comes around might not be a bad way to live your life, as it applies to you. But when we apply it to others, particularly those we need to forgive, it has a lovely vengeful tinge to it. And the sticky wicket of it all is that we can feel like we’re standing on higher ground, when we’re actually being pulled under by Karma quicksand. Fooling ourselves that we’ve forgiven while internally waiting for “it to come around” for someone keeps us stuck. There’s no forward motion in quicksand or the self deception of false forgiveness. And just so we’re clear, the western Judeo-Christian version of Karma, the “I’m leaving that between them and God” with its undertones of God being your personal hitman applies here too. Both have a feel of, “I forgave, but the Universe/God isn’t going to let them off that easy. And I can’t wait to see it!”
One of the definitions of forgiveness is giving up your right for justice. Now, this is not a call to tear down our prisons. Oh no, I am all for applying consequences so we can live in a society where we are all held accountable for our behavior. I’m talking about in our personal lives. When we have been betrayed in some way, when we have been wronged, it isn’t fair. Acknowledge that. But let’s also acknowledge that forgiving is such a big job because we are being asked to give up our right to see that other person punished for the pain they’ve caused us. Y’know that co-worker that sabotaged your work and so you got written up? Although they don’t deserve it, forgive them. How about that woman who kept chasing after your man AND your man who allowed it? No, they don’t deserve it, but forgive them. Even the parent that ignored you or constantly criticized you or hurt you, they don’t deserve it, but forgive them too. Send happy thoughts their way. Let it go without having to build yourself a new place of residence beyond human interaction. The point of forgiveness at its core is that none of us deserve it. It’s not forgiveness if it has to be earned. That’s restitution, different gig entirely. Forgiveness is not fairness. It’s mercy in action.
So today, get comfortable with the fact that those who have hurt you may go their whole lives without anyone knowing what a horrible person they are. Life is like that. Forgive anyway. Back stabbing co-workers may get promoted and everyone may think they’re wonderful. It’s not fair, but forgive . Some awful person that creates drama wherever she goes may go on to win the lottery, buy a yacht and hob-nob with the Afflecks. Do not waste your time waiting for Karma to kick that chick’s can. Just forgive. Think to yourself, “Enjoy your money and your big ole yacht and your ability to afford the best medical care when you pick up a parasite on your travels.” Oops, I may need to work on my forgiveness a little more. Hey, I’m not perfect. Forgive me.