“YES! I did it!! Yay me! Um…now what?”
I learned something about myself the other day. There I was, holding my official Marriage and Family Therapist license in my hot, little hand and it felt great. I mean, really great…I mean, five looong years to get here kind of great. And that’s just getting the Masters degree, the additional training, the 3000 clinical hours and passing the two brutal exams. I should also include that from age 18 to age 32 (when I finally graduated), I had chipped away at my BA, amidst working full time, marriage, having and caring for two small children, divorce, single mommahood and remarriage. Ya know, life. And here I was, at the culmination of allllll that hard work and even though I was giddy with accomplishment, I was surprised with the added feeling of “Yes!…so what’s next?”
So I sat with that for a minute and asked myself some questions: Does there have to be a “next”? Is this coming from a place of proving my worth, of always needing another finish line, another “there” where I will be happy and loved and worthy someday in the future? Am I downplaying my achievement, looking for a place to be invisible? I had to ask myself these questions because I know myself, even the dark places that lurk inside. One of those being that I’m not a “celebrate the win” kind of girl. I didn’t walk either time I graduated. I was so done driving an hour each way to Chico that one. more. time. just seemed undoable. I took a pass and filled out the form that said Mail Me My Diploma. And with my Masters, the graduation ceremony was held either six months before I graduated or six months after. One felt like a lie (No judgement for anyone else. That’s just my gig.) and the other felt like by that point I couldn’t be bothered. So I already know that I am severely Success Celebration impaired. My default setting is invisible…if I let it. But you know what I realized as I sat there? I realized I am willing to be seen, that this is not a case of ignoring what I’ve achieved so as to not ruffle any feathers, so as to not set off the voice inside that tells me not to get too big for my britches. I allowed myself to feel loved and worthy and happy now…just like I was the day before the license came…and the day before I passed my test…and, well, you get the drift. I realized that having a challenge is just part of who I am, that I see it as “What do I want to learn next?”, that I can sit in that moment of success and that the joy of accomplishment is what spurs me on. There is no lack there, instead my achievement feels like an open door, waiting for me to walk through and see what’s on the other side. A door has opened and a new journey begins. I also realized in that moment that my goal has never been just a piece of paper with a bunch of numbers on it. I have a picture of the life I want to create and that piece of paper gives me the opportunity, the freedom to do just that-design the life I want to live.
Living true to you starts with knowing who you are, owning who you are. Use that knowledge to design the life you want to live. Does your ideal life contain a lot of freedom? Creativity? Connectedness? What do you see when you close your eyes and envision your ideal life? That’s the goal. Now look at what will get you there. Being able to sign LMFT after my name is totally cool, ain’t gonna lie, but it isn’t the end for me, that piece of paper isn’t the pinnacle. It is a major piece in my creating the life I want…and so now I get to walk through that door because I earned it and ask myself what’s next…because I earned that too. Live true to you by choosing to create the life you want, not someone else’s version of what life should look like, but your version, your definition, whatever that may be. And then, without apology or excuses, start creating it. Live true and celebrate YOU!
Live True To You 